


The Watermelon Fic

by Chains_and_Pasta



Category: Creepypasta - Fandom
Genre: This entire fic is about a goddamn watermelon, also it gets way too detailed a some point and almost sounds like a yaoi, at least its kinda funny, but i swear its not, i'm SO SORRY FOR THIS FIC, kill me, this is so awful, watermelon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 17:18:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11764668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chains_and_Pasta/pseuds/Chains_and_Pasta
Summary: Can Laughing Jack swallow a watermelon? Whole?yeah this fic was a mistake but it's probably the best thing I've ever written





	The Watermelon Fic

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry you're actually deciding to read this but if u want more i'll include a third chapter of Jeff going to the grocery store

“I could totally do it!”  
“No fucking way. I don’t believe it.”  
“I know I could. Just let me-”  
“No.”  
Jeff walked into the kitchen to see Eyeless Jack and Laughing Jack having what seemed to be a very tense argument. Eyeless stood with his arms crossed and feet planted firmly to the ground, while LJ made exasperated motions with his arms, tapping his foot impatiently.  
    “Uh, guys?” Jeff said, one of his hands hovering near his knife. It wasn’t always a good idea to break up a fight around here. “What the fuck are you doing?”  
    Both Jacks jumped, startled by Jeff. EJ turned towards him, and said accusingly, “what the fuck are you doing here?”  
    “Uh, I dunno EJ, maybe cause my ankle is fucking twisted and someone said I need to lay off it for today. Why the hell are you guys arguing?” Jeff stepped closer to the pair of them, more relaxed now. Whatever they were arguing about, it didn’t seem like it was going to get physical.  
    Ej turned away, his shoulders tense. “Nothing you need to concern yourself about. It’s important stuff that-”  
    “EJ said I couldn’t eat a watermelon whole but he won’t go to the store so I can prove him wrong.” Laughing Jack interrupted, a smug smile on his face.  
    Jeff’s eyes furrowed. “That’s… the stupidest argument i’ve ever heard in my entire life.”  
    EJ threw up his hands, facing Jeff again. “I know! I know, ok, i’m not buying a watermelon just to have to do the heimlich maneuver on an 8ft beanpole!”  
    “Hey! I’m a clown, not a beanpole!” LJ snapped back at him. “And I told you, I can do it!”  
    “Have you ever done it before?” EJ asked, back to his original stance.  
    “Well, no, why would I-”  
    “Then no, you can’t do it.”  
    “Actually,” Jeff said,thoughtfully rubbing his chin, “He probably could.”  
    Laughing Jack smiled, showing a vicious row of teeth. “Ha! Told you!”  
    EJ looked back and forth between both serial killers. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking, because of the mask he wore. Finally, he sighed, pulled out 10 dollars, and said, Fine, but if you choke, expect me to laugh instead of help.”  
    LJ punched the air in victory as jeff took the money. “I’ll go buy it for you, let me get my stuff to cover this beauty” He said, gesturing to his scars and pale white face.  
    Ej sighed. “Ok, but let me get you crutches for your foot. I don’t feel like fixing a broken ankle instead of a twisted one.”  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Jeff sighed, coming into the house and kicking his boots off, wincing as he put weight on his bad foot. Jack jumped excitedly next to him, as he had been doing since Jeff first picked it out. While he was annoyed with the clown, he was also curious to see the results of their little trip. Could Laughing Jack swallow a watermelon whole?  
    God, that sounded so stupid.  
    Why were they doing this again?  
    Whatever. He definitely didn’t start this, well maybe he did, BUT he sure as hell was gonna finish this hellhole of a day.  
    Jeff set the watermelon down on the kitchen table, where EJ sat, his hands together like a movie villains, quietly staring at the watermelon.  
    “We got the melon.” Jeff said.  
    “I see that.”  
    “Am I gonna have to pay you back?”  
    “Hm. Only if LJ can’t swallow what he started.”  
    “You mean the melon, right?”  
    “What else would I mean?”  
    “Uh, nevermind.”  
    The room fell silent as LJ slowly walked up to the watermelon, circling it, prodding it, and overall examining the melon as if it were some scientific study. Finally, Laughing Jack straightened his back, standing at full height.  
    “I,” he said, “Will eat the watermelon. Whole.”  
    EJ and Jeff were silent.  
    Laughing Jack picked up the melon with one hand.  
    He dropped it.  
    He picked it up again, two hands this time.  
    He looked at the melon again, staring into the green stripes of the watermelon, as if it were the dark abyss itself.  
    He opened his mouth,and began to place it in his mouth.  
    Jeff and EJ let out small gasps.  
    Laughing Jack opened his mouth wider, and more melon went into his mouth, he had about ¼ in.  
    Jeff and EJ leaned forward, eager to see what would happen next.  
Laughing Jack shoved more melon into his mouth, he had half of the melon in his mouth.  
Laughing Jack’s teeth scraped against the melon,as if begging him to please, please do not swallow the fucking melon.  
Laughing Jack continued to put more melon in. He was ¾ of the melon. In. His. Mouth.  
He checked to see if EJ and Jeff were still watching.  
They were.  
With one, final thrust, he shoved the rest of the melon, into his mouth, swallowed (I know not how) and digested the melon.  
Silence.  
EJ jumped up, knocking back his chair,his hand over his heart and Jeff also stood up and began jumping for joy and screaming.  
“That’s...impossible...how…” He murmured, questioning everything he knew.  
Jeff wouldn’t stop twirling around in a circle, screaming profanities.  
“HE SWALLOWED A MOTHER FUCKING MELON OH MY JESUS THANK GOD I DON’T GOTTA PAY YOU BACK!” Jeff yelled, punching the air a few times.  
LJ started smugly at EJ, his arms crossed.  
“I told you, didn’t I?” He said, leaning closer. “I told you i could swallow the fucking melon.”  
Eyeless Jack woke up in a cold sweat. He had to stop eating kidneys before bed.

**Author's Note:**

> death would be a gift


End file.
